not really sure about juxtapositon

my love is like quietly fetching the corkscrew to not wake the house, making a noise, muttering "fuck:", tripping on /impaling self into corkscrew, maybe something further

and also

not very sure about the juxtaposition here, i feel like the text doesn't say what i felt i meant when i wrote it originally and felt it, but it is interesting now in an area
e: decided i actually dont like it at all but i guess i won't delete it
in fact

 here is this: specifically because i hope to invoke

foggy bears in a cyan river,
mellow lute
reflective screen shadow passes over
cloud blunder
tongue curve
arc shape
flimsy cardboard rhetoric underpinned with sediment like sugar after the cereal
gulf